I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
