he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
