To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
