Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We were destined to go to rehab together
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
