I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
