I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
