just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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