i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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