Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
