Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
