I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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