i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
