Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Please, let me fuck your mom
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
