Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
