I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
