last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
