How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
