If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
