Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
