I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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