Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
