The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
