I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
