I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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