ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
