Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
