Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
