Who wears a wallet chain?!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
