hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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