I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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