I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We are all done wearing pants today
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