so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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