Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
