I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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