I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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