Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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