He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
