I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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