i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
