I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
