Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
