just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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