FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
A+ Viking dick
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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