btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
