sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
