I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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