I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
