U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
