but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
