so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
