under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
