man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
