my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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