nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The uberlube is also flammable
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
