dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
