CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
