There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
