I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
