how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
