My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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