Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
