cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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