I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
