that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
