OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
