Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
is wine microwaveable?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
