I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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