??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
