Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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