I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize