Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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