She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
your like the ambassador to my penis.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
