Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
